I have a 15 year old son who has above average intelligence. On all the mandatory state and federal tests he does extremely well, always in the top 90%. However, he doesn’t turn in homework or do well on the tests in class, and basically just gets by. His counselor and I discussed challenge classes, but he doesn’t qualify because his GPA is too low. I’ve have talked with him till I’m blue in the face, taken away his Playstation, cell phone, gone to therapy, etc. etc., all to no avail. He is unhappy about his situation but acts like he’s too lazy or doesn’t care to try and do his best. I’ve told him I will be happy, even if were to fail something as long as he did the best he could. I’m so tired of this slacker attitude!
So, my question is: How do you inspire a teen to do their best in academics?
Edit: I forgot to add that he did exceptionally well in school with great work ethic, until he got to high school, then pffft! Gone! And got some new slacker kid in his place!
Get him evaluated by a Dr since he changed so drastically he could be suffering from depression.
My brother scored very high and dropped out because even the challenging classes were boring to him.
Find out what does interest him and let him explore that.
Id take him out of public school and home school him.
Once you find out what does interest him, find an expert in that field that is willing to talk to him about what he does and how he got to where he is. See if he can suggest a course of action your son can take to get what he wants. Public school is not for everyone it is an assembly line education that not everyone fits into.
you can’t
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You do it long before they become a teenager!
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JUST KEEP ON TALKING TO HIM AND TRY TO GET HIM SOME HELP
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Have you had him evaluated for a learning disorder? My niece was doing the same types of things. She was really smart but acted lazy when the truth was, she had trouble with written communication.
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Start spending his allowance on yourself until he shapes up. Make him drink prune juice daily & feed him bran muffins.
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Who does he admire – a sports figure, even a relative or someone he knows who is even somewhat successful. Ask him to tell you what he would do when he’s out of school, if he could do anything he wanted. You need to find something to cause a spark. If his interest, for example, is in sports, see if you can get a coach to give him a pep talk. If there is some vocation he’s interested in, see if you can get someone in that field who is knowledgeable to talk to him about what he has to do to get there.
He’s bored and needs to find direction, and sitting around being lazy isn’t helping anyone. Taking his stuff from him doesn’t help because then he figures he’s lost it all anyhow.
Would a tutor help him bring up his grades? Maybe when he sees improvement in that area he might take more interest. It’s possible he’s feeling overwhelmed right now and feeling like he’s just too far behind.
Good luck!
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offer him something really big if he does well all year.. or marking period or however you wanna do it. and if he dosent do well make him clean the whole entire house on his kness scrubbing.
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Has he expressed why he does so poorly? If he acts as if he doesn’t care has he said why he doesn’t care?
Maybe he finds high school really boring/not challenging enough/pointless. Or maybe he feels out of place — no one to relate to at school.
Some people simply do not care about high school but go on to do very well in college where the atmosphere is different.
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Get him evaluated by a Dr since he changed so drastically he could be suffering from depression.
My brother scored very high and dropped out because even the challenging classes were boring to him.
Find out what does interest him and let him explore that.
Id take him out of public school and home school him.
Once you find out what does interest him, find an expert in that field that is willing to talk to him about what he does and how he got to where he is. See if he can suggest a course of action your son can take to get what he wants. Public school is not for everyone it is an assembly line education that not everyone fits into.
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1. You keep taking him to a licensed professional until one of them comes up with the "right plan."
We parents give up too quickly. We under estimate the problem and over estimate our ability to deal with it.
2. You and everyone that loves him seek our professionals who work with "families" (not the child) to establish appropriate boundaries and consequences. Hire someone to come over to the home and have the whole family there (grandma, uncle Harry, your best friends etc) and hold a "question and answer" session. This will put everyone on the same page so you are not fighting this by yourself.
3. You never give up, you always have a plan and you pray frequently.
4. Don’t be a "victim" and get aggressive as well as progressive. You only have one shot at this so educate yourself "now." This will put you in control and others will see that you are "very serious" about "saving" your son and new doors will open up.
Your son is setting up his "life environment", one that may last his "whole" life. You must change this now.
5. Your old parenting techniques were probably just fine but something has created an "imbalance" so new parenting skills (communication) must be adopted. All future actions are communicated out of "love."
6. Seek out a higher level of spiritual understanding.
7. If all else fails have an inpatient program picked out and be prepared to pay the price (emotional, mental spiritual and financial).
8. Create a written journal of your efforts as you will want to refer back to this written record for many reasons that are not clear to you now. Trust me on this one.
Follow these eight steps and even if the worst that could possiably happen does happen you can at least say you did all that you could do. This future peace of mind is "priceless."
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My personal experiences and education through counselors and numerous books and research papers.
Boy that is a tough one! When I was in highschool I bombed out because I was bored and I wasn’t being taught about anything I was overly interested in. Have you tried getting him to learn about something that really interests him? Maybe if he can mix that in with his schooling some how he’ll be more motivated to do better. Good luck!
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I was that teenager when I was younger. I didn’t know what was going on with me, and I couldn’t help the attitude problem. I wish that my parents were as concerned as you are. I don’t know what is in your son’s head, but I can inform you that the higher the IQ level they are more prone to mental problems. Personality Disorders of the like are not usually diagnosed until teens and early adulthood. Perhaps you just need to find a therapist and not a counselor. You may have to take him to several different ones before finding one that he could be comfortable with or that can correctly assess the situation. I hope that this helps. Good luck. He may even dislike you for this, but it will benefit you both.
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My 15yr old son is the exact same… My exhusband does not have any type of a bond with him, which would change him drastically if he did… Yes, he is bored – his intelligence isn’t being challenged & unfortunately – there isn’t anything to be done about that as he isn’t advanced to get into some different types of studies. Here is what I’ve done…
I told my son that after football season this fall, we will be shopping for a pick-up. I had saved a few thousand bucks for this purpose in a savings account for HIM… He lit up like a Xmas tree! Now, the conditions are – he has to get an after school job to help pay for either the add’l payment or the insurance. Gas is going to be 100% on him! We will have a contract written between us – if his grades drop – the pick up is mine & will be parked until the grade have gotten 10pts past passing… so, no D’s… In the event he is grounded from his car, he still has to make what ever payment I gave to him.
Incentive… and a Contract… I’ve done this before with punishments too for both of my boys. It has worked better than "anything" else I have tried over the years… And you know what? It’s brought us closer & I have more respect now… I feel like I am helping them learn life lessons early on.
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maybe he is depressed?
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